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Rachel and Kirstens community of hot shit's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Rachel and Kirstens community of hot shit

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yea it does. [24 Jun 2005|06:17pm]

heartlessxloser
[ mood | tired ]

it does suck. but i've come to accept it. i duno you seem happier too. i love that you're happier. i love that you just seem i duno in your element. i know you don't feel so much that you are, but i guess i see it that way. i definitely saw the hawtest car that i want to own today also. the honda civic si.it will be serious sexxxx. im not even kidding. i also have a really awesome new cell fone. (finally) the number's still the same. even though we don't really call much anymore. but still. just in case. and ahhh it's alltel but at least my fone won't drop it's calls anymore. it's a great feeling it honestly is. but how are you?

Do you like to hurt? 2 Said I do I do.

[19 Feb 2005|09:54pm]

heartlessxloser
[ mood | sick ]

i've been sick, which has allowed me to do some thinking. (i already wrote this once, but i accidently clicked back on my mouse and lost it all. so im writing it again). it has taken me four days in bed to figure out where this all went wrong, and i realized the only thing that went wrong was me. i highly overreacted about the whole situation. i was willing to accept i was too busy to fix it at the time so i'd just cut it off at ait's worst and then fix it and make nice later, which is i guess kind of what i'm doing now, but this time it's different for some reason. i really do mean it. i'm sorry. i understand that it takes so much more to even begin to retract what i said to you. the worst part is i don't reemmber everything i said to you. which makes me feel horrible about it all. i was upset that i was being misunderstood by those who at the time i needed to understand me the most. i went off on you for something you would have had no idea about, because id din't tell you i cut again, because like so many times before we didn't really talk. in fact you were the only person in the end i did tell. you had no way of knowing that. but i was upset because i felt mad that you were trying to tell me something i didn't want to hear, and that i didn't possibley think you could understand cause we never talked. i was wrong, i should have known that if i did talk to you, you would have understood. i was also soo upset that you thought you did nothing wrong, and maybe did wrong was wrong itself (make sense?) i guess i didn't understand what the whole thing was about. hell i still don't get how it actually started. but when things were made light, i refused to keep them that way. i blew it up and made it worse. im assuming you were most likely kidding about a bunch of it. but i was just so ahhhhhhhhh that i didn' tsee it. i guess what hurts me the most is knowing when you say you can do without talking to me ever agian, you mean it. i can't do without talking to you ever agian. i just can't. you're seriously my best firend and we've been through so much shit together. you know more than i know myself. when my mom told me to focus the other day, i just wanted to cry. cause that's ours too. there's so much that's ours. the fucking o.c. that's ours as well. i just can't let this go, because i'm a dipshit by birth. im emo yes, but you and dall should know that, i guess i just felt offended that you two were poking fun at me being emo(which i didn't see sometimes), but i don't know why, i think it was cause3 i was being bombarded with crap, that i didn't get it. that's my fault as well, i shouldn't be soo serious. i got mad when you guys din't say hi, but i know you guys did. i just never said hi to you. and that was wrong of me to think you two didn't care enough to say hi, when it was as if i thought you didn't care enough to be bigger and say hi to you. i was just being stupid and i don't want this stupid rachel being stupid thing to be the reason we're no longer friends. i couldn't live with that. summertime is our time, i can't imagine a summer without you. you seriously are my best friend you mean the world to me. and that i just won't do without.<333 please please please please please accept my deepest sincerist apologies and ill continue trying to make it up to you.

Said I do I do.

the way things go [13 Feb 2005|01:13pm]

heartlessxloser
[ mood | blah ]

im not gona respond negatively, well maybe just slightly, but for the record. im not being immature, just because i don't want to sit there and take crap doesn't make me immature. and just because i don't want to talk to you until this dies down, doens't mean im immature, it just means i know that speaking when im angry is the best speech ill ever regret. but im not the only one being immature. stop thinking you're like an angel in this whole situation. the cutting comment only pisses me off cause you a. mocked me when we were already in a pissy mood, and b. because it wasn't like you cared at all that you would potentially hurt my feelings. but i don't care anymore. i just want it to go away. and just maybe, sometime we will talk again. until then, im just gona pretend nothing ever happened. minus the actual talking to you.

Said I do I do.

[06 Feb 2005|01:32pm]

heartlessxloser
holler. new letter coming your way soon<3
Said I do I do.

[19 Jan 2005|10:25am]

heartlessxloser
[ mood | enthralled ]

hmmm.. read your lj comments. that's right. i left you one. it's a good one too. i felt horrible that a. you weren't there too last night. b. for blowing the shit up the other day(totally was unnecessary) adn c. that i forgot my fone and you couldn't hear konstantine live. it would have been great. they played astronaut too. and omg. it was just splendid kirsten. next time its me and you togehter. there's no questions ask.




teehee. also im still soakin the sweat from that show last night. and i forgot d. i didn't get you a shirt cause of my moms serious coinage addiction.<333 i do love you though





i almsot cried during me and the moon.

Said I do I do.

[14 Jan 2005|04:20pm]

randomtrend
what exactly is going on?
Said I do I do.

[13 Jan 2005|10:08pm]

heartlessxloser
But i don't know what i can't see.
























































































































































i just wana learn to breathe<X3
Said I do I do.

[08 Jan 2005|03:12pm]

heartlessxloser
[ mood | distressed ]

hmmmm i might change it if i feel free to. hmmm. what should i do. and did you make that banner above. cause it's effing hawt<3. i think i might just run away. i hate how i always feel alone.

Said I do I do.

[07 Jan 2005|11:57pm]

randomtrend
feel free to change the layout at anytime.
it doesn't bother me.
Said I do I do.

updating [03 Jan 2005|09:58am]

heartlessxloser
[ mood | sleepy ]

i duno what to put in here. hmmmmm this world is weird. love is weird. im' weird. damn. just woaaaaaahhhhhh<3

Said I do I do.

a million broken hearts, plus a million. plus a million [30 Dec 2004|02:17pm]

heartlessxloser
[ mood | content ]

you.
oh you.
these words i speak for you.



he's a great kid.
yea we know this.
and you're probably like "yea we know this."
but you and i both know.
god do we know.
that when it comes down to it.
he's like kryptonite.
cause we both know you're superman
i couldn't tell you no this time
and i couldn't protect you
and i feel bad for sometimes thinking i could
cause i saw it coming
and you felt it coming
and we both knew this doesn't go away
you two are almost worse than me and him
i don't say his name anymore btw.
im afraid it'll break my heart
i can think it.
but i don't say it
anyways. this aobut you not me
at all costs it's about you
from the heart<3
cause i care
you knew this would happen
don't deny it
but you're not in too deep quite yet
so pull yourself out
cause being freinds is better than nothing
and you know you can't cross the line.
cause it'll drown you.
like every other time before.
as for them
i know their names and it's okay
you don't need to say them if it hurts your heart
cause i already knew their names
and maybe they'll linger along sometime soon
but just don't hold your hopes
and move on with your life
find new friends
i know it's not easy
but you can
you can
i know you can
you never needed someone to bring you down
you still don't
you don't need to hear your beautiful
you're beautiful
i would save you if i could
but i can't
i love you to peices
you're MY best friend.
always and forever best friends
best friends means freidns forever
and i would never not check this.
i may be busy
but there's always going to be time for you somewhere.
and ill even make space.
<333333333333333333333333333333333333333bffls

Said I do I do.

why? [15 Dec 2004|02:55pm]

heartlessxloser
[ mood | tired ]

exactly what happened... do you mean why or where? cause if it's where..it was over some old scars. one is on top of my arm and one is on the vein. where i've cut millions of times before. so i just cut over it. yeaaaa that's where, why. well ill just quote three days grace "this house is not a home" i get yelled at cause i can't find my social security card, i get hit because i make the mistake of finding my s.s. card in the envelope in a box on my shelf. and then i get yelled at more because i try to explain where i found it. and hit once more just because i say im sorry. somewhere along those lines i stand. cutting. and i almost today wish i didn't.

Said I do I do.

[12 Dec 2004|06:31pm]

randomtrend
oh pish posh.
i don't know why i said that.
i know people that throw boxers in basketball hoops.
i love camping.
Said I do I do.

[12 Dec 2004|04:59pm]

heartlessxloser
[ mood | nostalgic ]

no never a dumb idea. but maybe we should. damn studying to the hole it came from. nother monkey moment. yes! <333

Said I do I do.

wwwwooooooooooooooooo [11 Dec 2004|06:16pm]

heartlessxloser
[ mood | aggravated ]

haha that'd be lovely. we'lll have to "operate" on that sometime. haha <33333 yea ummmm guess what i did today? i officially became a part of the working class of america! damn fucking right. can you beleive it? how far everythings come. when did we ever honestly think me Le Rachel or w/e was really going to get a job. didn't see it coming.it's like in Bruce almighty, when the monkey comes outta the one dudes ass. who woulda thought that it was really gona happen when people said it would. hmm yea.

Said I do I do.

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